Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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