I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You made out with two different species that night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
