Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
