Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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