My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
