is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
