My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
