I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
