from now on my penis is your penis
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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