So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
