aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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