Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize