You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
