all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
