We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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