Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
