walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
