Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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