Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are the jesus of drinking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
