He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize