You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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