So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
