are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize