shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
