ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
