So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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