i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
