These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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