RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
