You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
