i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
