dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
