I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
