I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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