plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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