I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
