i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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