So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
