I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
