I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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