I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
