how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
