You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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