I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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