my vag is so smooth its legendary
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
