I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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