Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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