We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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