Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
