my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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