just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
