If i come over, it means nothing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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