We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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