fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
