so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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