I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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