Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
