So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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