Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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