my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
