i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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