your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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