The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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