Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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