Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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