Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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