was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
